Slowly but surely I feel like things are picking up with me. I'm going to be honest and tell you that there is something discouraging about social media, be it blogging, Instagram, Facebook, etc. Working so hard on a look and not having it get the reactions you were hoping for sucks. And I'm not even popular on Instagram or anything. I cannot imagine what that feels like when you are actively a content creator and you don't get many responses or likes on a post. Because of that, it has really made me want to give up on posting. If you forget to post once, you lose five followers. I have been between 580 and 590 for nearly a year now, on Instagram. It's hard to figure out what tags work the best, and make sure you're not tagging too many things. I have so much admiration for those that post every single day or are good at keeping up with their stories on Insta or Facebook or Snapchat. I really do love doing it, but the second you want something to do really well, you lose. The second your thoughts turn from posting a picture because you like it, to hoping others will really like your post and you will suddenly spiral down a rabbit hole of self doubt and embarrassment.
Summing up why I stopped posting, it's because of my own insecurities. It's because, for a while I was putting my own self worth into the hands of others, and half of these people don't even know me! No more of that. No more being ashamed to make a post on my FB about a blog post I've made because I'm concerned about who would see it and what they would think of me. This is actually really embarrassing to admit that this is how I have been feeling. As my coach says, I can be pretty damn hard on myself. I get upset about something I did and then get upset that I am shaming myself about it. It's a cycle that I keep falling into but I'm going to make the decision to be more aware of that fact, and hope that this will be the first step forward.
I'm taking a step back now. I'm still going to post, and I'm going to make a point to post again and try to make sure I am posting on a more regular schedule, from now on, this is about me. I am going to do this for me. Posts aren't about the views, they're going up because I love them. I'm going to write reviews because I strongly feel one way or the other about a product. I'm going to post for me. Who knows what exactly that will mean, but it does mean one thing, I'm back, and I'm damn excited to be back.
Not sure what will come next, but we'll see!
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